1. People of Walmart
This website is soo funny!Just look at this hilarious picture, Chewbacca was spotted in Walmart a while back. Guess far far away and long long ago aren't actually that far away (or long ago). Some of the pictures on this site are so funny. The outfits some people put on these days. Shame shame tisk tisk. Most of them are down right awar and strage, but they all a hoot! I never knew so many people wore short shorts and tye-dye. Especially old people. Bead outfits, tons of frills, spots and checks, you name it, they've got it!2. Texts From Last Night
So if you've never heard of theis website, you must be living under a rock. this website is made up of text messages that people have sent to someone else. They're HILARIOUS! Examples:
(212): It was confusing and full of hummus
(913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
(443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There are so many more of these hilarious texts. They keep getting better and better. On the site, there are pages of "good nights" and "bad nights." You can't help but cringe at some of these, but you're usually brought to tears by the rest.
3. Not Always Right
http://www.notalwaysright.com/
Moe introduced me to this one, and I'm really mad at her because of it. This site is similer to texts from last night, but for this site, employers and workers and such send in conversations they'ver have with some pretty wacky customers. Examples:
The Imperial Left Or The Metric Left
Hotel, London, UK
Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”
Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”
Guest: “Turn left?”
Me: “Yes, left.”
Guest: “Left?”
Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*
Guest: *confused* “Left…right…”
Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.
Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”
Too Much Violence On TV, Even More When It’s Off
Call Center, North America
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “You shut me off!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”
Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you, you rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, what address is this for?”
(Customer gives his address and is documented for repeated cable theft.)
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”
Customer: “No it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”
Me: “Yes sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”
Customer: “Well you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”
Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”
Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”
Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”
Customer: “No it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”
Constructive Criticism For The Music Industry
Retail, Massachusetts, USA
Me: “Hi, welcome to **** Music, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*
Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”
Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, ‘Before He Cheats’.”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me’.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”
Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”
Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”
Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”
Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”
Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”
Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”
Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”
Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”
Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”
Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”
Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”
(The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)
The Flesh Is Bright But The Mind Is Dimming
Hospital, Mississippi, USA
Me: “Okay, sir, just a few x-rays and we’ll be done.”
Patient: “Please make it quick. I don’t want to glow when I leave!"
Me: “No, sir, I promise you won’t glow. That’s just an x-ray joke.”
Patient: “It’s dark out! I can’t glow or I’ll be seen!”
Me: “Sir, I swear you will not glow.”
Patient: “NO GLOOOWWWIINNG!”
Me: *gives up* “…The glow afterward is so faint, no one will ever see it.”
Patient: “Oh…okay, then. Proceed…
I could go on and on. this is perhaps my favorite website, there is soo much, i could just keep adding and adding the best ones forever!
4. XKCD
http://www.xkcd.com/
this website is all comics that some guy made (sorry, can't find his name at this moment. I'll find it later and edit them). The humour is a little different, and it takes some time to get used to them, but once you do, its highly addictable. He has many themes in his comics, like velosoraptors and things. Some of them are quite cute and sweet, this is one of my personal favourites -->
When you scroll over all of his comics on his webpage, an extra paragraph comes up on the topic. for this one, the paragraph is: this was an actual mock conversation between me and a friend at TGIF. The waitress walked up around panel 5 and was somewhat put off.
Aren't they all so funny? I'm having trouble writing this post because 'm spending all my time on these websites looking at the comics and stuff. Especially this website. I love it so much. On to the next one...Oops, that's it, I think. There may be more, but that's all I can think of at the moment.
Later ya'll
dan
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